The Words given by A Parent That Saved Me during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was just trying to survive for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of being a father.

But the actual experience rapidly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good place. You require support. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to addressing the pressure on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a broader inability to open up amongst men, who often internalise damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a show of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a break - going on a short trip overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."